i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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