Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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