I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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