you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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