his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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