let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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