I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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