No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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