NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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