Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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