Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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