what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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