...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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