my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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