Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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