Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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