You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize