I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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