My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize