she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize