I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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