Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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