When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize