I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He did a backflip because drugs
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