Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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