sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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