Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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