Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize