Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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