You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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