You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He shit in the fireplace
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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