I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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