Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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