i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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