why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize