I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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