her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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