mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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