I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize