You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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