That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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