Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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