You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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