Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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