Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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