Say something about gay babies.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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