they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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