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I think i peed on brittanys purse
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we made out on top of his cat.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Randomize
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