am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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