help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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