As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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